How to Ease Separation Anxiety in the Early Years

A child facing separation anxiety can be a frustrating thing to deal with as a parent, but as a child, it can be terrifying to be struck by it. Correcting this issue can feel like an uphill battle, but it’s essential to first realise that separation anxiety is a normal part of early childhood development.

During a baby’s early years, they begin to bond with their primary caregiver as they grow into their routine and familiarise themselves with their caregiver. Being apart from this familiar person can feel overwhelming and confusing to the baby, causing them to act out in a variety of worrisome ways.

While the behaviour can be distressing for both parent and child, it shouldn’t be seen purely in a negative light. Oftentimes, this behaviour is a sign of healthy emotional bonding.

Moreover, the key isn’t to eliminate separation anxiety entirely. That can backfire. Instead, parents should strive to help children build the confidence and security they need to cope with short-term separations.

If you’re keen to help improve your child’s confidence in being comfortable and independent without your constant presence, you’re in the right place. We’ll get into detail on practical strategies you can use to ease a child’s separation anxiety during the early years.

Let’s jump right into it!

Why Does Separation Anxiety Occur in Childhood?

Babies and young children typically start exhibiting symptoms of separation anxiety when they reach 8 months to 2 years of age. It’s a phase that’s rooted in the child’s instinctual attachment and dependence on their parents and guardians.

If the caregiver removes themselves from the child’s presence for an extended period, the child with separation anxiety can feel negative emotions from this absence. This is a fairly normal occurrence, and many children do tend to face anxiety symptoms growing up.

That said, separation anxiety isn’t a genetic trait. It’s closely tied to key developmental milestones during early childhood.

In healthy relationships, babies grow attached to their caregivers as these people represent safety and comfort for the child. When these are taken away, the child can feel distressed and vulnerable. This is especially supported by the fact that the baby is unable to support themselves or survive on their own, making separation feel inherently dangerous.

On top of that, at the ages of eight months to two years, the average child still doesn’t fully grasp the concept of object permanence. Children have yet to learn that people outside of their sight aren’t gone forever. As this concept isn’t fully grasped yet, this could make the child more sensitive to the absence of their primary caregiver.

What are the Signs of Early Age Separation Anxiety?

There are some indicators that a child may be facing severe cases of separation anxiety that may warrant clinical intervention.

Some signs that separation anxiety would need to be addressed include the following:

Persistent separation anxiety beyond the two-year window: When intense distress continues well past two years old, it suggests that the child lacks the confidence to tackle things independently, which can be bad for their development if left unchecked.
Four weeks of constant separation anxiety: If, after intervention, the baby still faces separation anxiety symptoms, this could warrant a separation anxiety disorder diagnosis in the child.
Daily functioning interference: The child may have trouble going about their daily duties, like learning, playing, or regulating emotions properly by themselves or with their peers. Guardian’s guide to starting daycare can help parents navigate their child’s separation anxiety as they take their first formal steps towards an education.
Extreme distress during everyday separation: If the child cries, screams, panics, or lashes out whenever the caregiver leaves, this could signal separation anxiety.
Physical manifestations of anxiety in the child: If the child faces physical health issues like headaches, stomach aches, and nausea, this could indicate separation anxiety.
Difficulties resting or falling asleep: If your child has trouble falling asleep or unwinding while you’re gone, this could be a problematic symptom of separation anxiety.
Avoidance of social interaction: Reluctance to engage with peers or trusted adults without the caregiver present can indicate underlying separation anxiety.
Regression in developmental behaviour: Sudden return to earlier habits such as bedwetting, baby talk, or clinginess during stressful separations could be telling of separation anxiety.

When a child faces these problems to the point that they interfere with their daily life, this could warrant medical support from doctors and child care specialists. The good news is that there are ways to help your child overcome separation anxiety and build healthier responses to separation.

How to Ease Separation Anxiety in the Early Years

If you want to build your child’s confidence and ability to be confident while you’re not around, that’s totally possible. There are habits you can train to help them ease into their own skin and become more confident early in life.

Here’s how you can do this.

Build Predictable Daily Routines

One way you can keep your child from acting out whenever you have to separate from them is by making your daily schedule predictable.

Stability gives your child a strong sense of security, as it helps them anticipate what comes next and removes the uncertainty of your disappearance.

Naturally, drastic shifts in their everyday routine, like a new daycare or moving to a new house, can intensify fear and anxiety. In such cases, you’ll have to gently guide them through the process so that they can transition more smoothly.

Over time, your child will soon realise that these visits or this new environment are something they’ll deal with daily. This can be something they’ll eventually predict, granted that you’re keeping things as predictable as possible—like sticking with your morning ritual before dropping them off at day care or hosting set dining times at home.

As they come to realise that this is the “new normal”, they’ll feel more comfortable and reassured with these new rituals. In turn, they’ll not be as anxious with you out of their sight.

Practice Calm and Consistent Goodbyes

A significant gesture that can impact how your child views the separation is when you say goodbye to them.

Avoid stretching out highly emotional farewells, as these can heighten fear and distress in anxious children. Don’t just disappear on them either, as this can break trust and increase clinginess.

Instead, keep goodbyes sharp, calm, and confident. Try to stick with a consistent good-bye phrase as you drop them off or leave them in the room. Furthermore, reassure them that you’ll return so that they’ll know to expect you eventually.

Provide Them a Comfort Item

Another way to keep your child calm when you leave them is by giving them a comfort item. Children, as mentioned earlier, value familiar objects. Handing them something sentimental and valuable, like a plush toy or blanket, can help them feel reassured even when you’re not physically present.

Having these items is a great way to keep your child from acting out or crying when you leave them. This is because children tend to associate these objects with something familiar, warm, and generally positive. They can also use these objects to self-soothe when you’re not around.

These comfort items may feel like a crutch, but they’re a great coping strategy to make your child more comfortable in a new environment or new setup. In turn, this can give you peace of mind knowing that your child is in the right mindspace to learn, rest, or socialise.

Contact a Pediatrician for Severe Cases

If you’ve tried a variety of remedies and actions to help support your child’s separation anxiety but have met little to no progress, then your best bet is to contact a licensed pediatrician to help you instead.

Separation anxiety is a recognised disorder—and leaving it unchecked can ruin your and your child’s quality of life. In such cases, contacting a child development specialist or pediatrician is the ideal next step. These professionals would have the knowledge and tools to help assess your kid’s behaviour and get them on the right treatment plan if further intervention is needed.

In particular, these healthcare providers help tailor strategies and exposure techniques that can help your child control their emotions more readily. The earlier you get your child on a separation anxiety intervention programme, the better the chances are for them to have a positive outcome following the treatment.

We hope that we’ve given you enough insights on how you can ease your child’s separation anxiety and calm them down. All the best in raising your kid!