My Child Can’t Sleep Because …

Pass the coffee … It was one of those nights in our house. Little miss offered every possible reason why she couldn’t sleep.
So I decided to post the prompt ‘My Child Can’t Sleep Because …’ in the Inner West Mums group to hear of others’ kids’ bedtime problems. The responses are nothing short of brilliant. Here is an edited selection of our favourites. Why can’t your child sleep?
… it’s too dark.
… it’s too light.
… there is too much noise.
… it’s too quiet.
… ‘I can’t see with my eyes closed!’
… her sister looked at her.
… his brother is throwing imaginary rice at him.
… ‘You didn’t give me a kiss!’
… ‘You didn’t give me one last hug!’
… ‘I didn’t have enough cuddles today, Mama.’
… ‘I miss you when I’m sleeping!’
… ‘You didn’t do the star on the clock!’
… ‘I already slept’ (Napped, many hours earlier.)
… ‘it’s not night-time!’ (Oh, yes, it is.)
… ‘It’s definitely morning’. (It is definitely not.)
… ‘We’re like bats, and bats stay up all night!’
… ‘I had a nightmare.’ (Two mins after hitting the pillow.)
… ‘I didn’t finish my yoghurt.’
… ‘my tummy’s saying, “Feed me! Feed me!”‘
… ‘I’m staaaarving. You don’t feed me enough.’
… ‘Water! Water!’ (Seriously, how much water can a two year old drink?)
… her water doesn’t have ice cubes in it.
… ‘that’s not my water bottle!’ (Sister’s label on it, fatal error.)
… ‘I need to burp but it just won’t come out.’
… ‘I have to hold on to my ball, teddy, Mickey Mouse and baby doll all together.’
… he wants monkey/sheep/dog/teddy/cat/’Nooo, the other cat!’
… he doesn’t want monkey/sheep/dog/teddy/cat (or the other cat).
… her silky isn’t silky enough.
… she can’t suck her thumb as it has a cut (read: a microscopic one).
… she just feels uncomfortable.
… his legs hurt.
… her neck hurts in this bed. She needs to sleep in another bed. (My bed, obviously.)
… he wants to go in the portacot instead.
… ‘We didn’t do our stretches!’
… ‘I don’t have my nappy on.’ (Oops!)
… ‘I did a wee.’ (No, you did not.)
… ‘I did a wee.’ (That’s what nappies are for.)
… ‘I need to go to the toilet’ (to squeeze out a drop of pee for the thousandth time).
… there’s a code brown. (Nooooo!)
… ‘my clothes are too tight!’ (But you’re naked.)
… ‘I need socks!’ (on the hottest February night on record). Half an hour later … ‘I said, TAKE OFF MY SOCKS!’
… she needs shoes.
… ‘My pillow doesn’t work!’
… ‘My covers have gone all crazy!’
… the blanket came off his legs.
… the blanket touched her feet.
… there’s a drop of water on his blanket.
… she needs a story. At 2 am.
… he wants cake. At 3 am.
… she dreamed her teddy bear was a pigeon.
… she doesn’t have an Elsa plait in her hair.
… he wants you to know he’s a frog. Ribbit!
… ‘I just heard a dinosaur.’
… ‘There’s a spider on Kitty!’ (That’s a sticker, not a spider.)
… ‘A spider bit my bum!’
… There are bats flying in from the windows.
… ‘There’s a ghost and it’s sitting on my bed!’
… ‘There’s a monster on the roof!’
… ‘Ninja turtles don’t sleep.’
… ‘Ninja turtles sleep in a shell and you didn’t get me a shell.’
… ‘Today I saw a rainbow near our house. Now I am scared the leprechaun is on the roof.’
… ‘The toys moved and I am scared they will have a party if I close my eyes.’
… ‘I think I heard someone in our car.’
… ‘The wind is talking to me.’
… he just needs to tell me, ‘Mama! I love you!’
… ‘Snakey (favourite toy) needs a cuddle in your bed, Mama.’
… ‘I don’t want Mummy to sleep in Daddy’s bed.’
… ‘You’re not allowed to cuddle Daddy, Mama. Only I’m allowed to cuddle Daddy.’
… to tell me she wants to marry Daddy when she grows up.
… a child at day care touched her carrots.
… ‘I never get to have my face painted.’
… he wants me to know how much he really needs an Octonauts Gup S and all its features.
… he wants to know if ants like apple juice.
… ‘I can’t understand how the universe can have no end.’
… ‘We don’t know if heaven is real.’
… the piano accordion compels him. (Go figure.)
… he wants to wish me a happy birthday. (It is not my birthday.)
… it’s not her birthday tomorrow.
… he wants to meet my father (who passed away 15 years ago).
… ‘Poppy (the Troll) is not tired and she doesn’t want to sleep anymore … My name is Poppyyyyy and I’m not tiiiiiiirrrreeedddd!’
… ‘I’m too worried that I won’t wake up in time to get to school and so I’ll miss the bus for our excursion.’
… ‘I have to finish writing the code for this game. You wouldn’t want me to miss out building valuable job skills, would you?’ (She’s in primary school.)
… No reason. Just wants to stare at me and stroke my face so softly it tickles and annoys the living Jesus out of me.
You might also like:
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You Know You Have an Inner West Child When …

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