Jokes to make a five-year-old laugh. It was the post we needed in the Inner West Mums Facebook Group this month. Lockdown. School holidays. Rain. We obviously all needed a chuckle. Or should we say a guffaw! There were so many excellent jokes – the thread was still active one week on! Here are 50 of our favourites. Read them and we dare you not to smile. And bookmark this for the next time the kids in your life ask for a joke – there’s some rippers below.
Thank you to the original poster and all the commenters. And the funny people from whom these jokes originated.
50 jokes for kids
Q: Why was the cow crossing the road?
A: Because he was moo-ving.
Q: What’s brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
Q: What’s a cat’s favourite colour?
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea.
Q: What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?
A: Still no idea.
Q: What’s a pirate’s favourite letter?
A: You’d think it’s the R (arrrrr) but it’s actually the C (sea).
Q: What do you call a dinosaur fart?
A: A blast from the past.
Q: What’s yellow and smells like bananas?
A: Monkey vomit.
Q: How do you make an octopus laugh?
A: Ten tickles (tenacles).
Q: What are two things you can’t eat for breakfast?
A: Lunch and dinner.
Q: What does a pig put on an itch?
Q: What did one statue say to the other statue?
A: Is statue, bro?
Q: How do you know you’re getting old?
A: Because your teeth are like stars and only come out at night.
Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
A: To get to the bottom.
Q: Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
A: Because it got stuck in a crack.
Q: Why did the potato wedges cross the road?
A: To get to the other sides.
Q: Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
A: They’d crack each other up.
Q: How do you get Pikachu on a bus?
A: You Poke him on (Pokémon).
Q: What’s a bear with no teeth?
A: A gummie bear.
Q: Why was the sand wet?
A: Because the sea weed.
Q: Does February March?
A: No but April May.
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.
Q: Why did the M&M’s go to school?
A: Because they wanted to be Smarties.
Q: What does the vegetarian zombie like to eat?
Q: Why didn’t the teddy bear want dessert?
A: Because he was stuffed.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didn’t have the guts.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
A: Because he had no body to go with.
Q: What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?
Q: What do you call two banana peels?
A: A pair of slippers.
Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
A: Because it was high school.
Q: What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry?
A: How did we get into this jam?
Q: Why was Cinderella no good at soccer?
A: She kept running away from the ball.
Q: Why should you never give Elsa a balloon?
A: Because she’ll let it go!
Q: What do you call a dinosaur playing hide and seek?
Q: What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?
Q: When do bananas go to the doctor?
A: When they’re not peeling well.
Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhoea?
A: Plenty of room.
Q: What did the witch order at the hotel?
A: Broooom service.
Q: Why did the dog want a shady campsite?
A: Because he didn’t want to be a hot dog.
Q: How do you cook sausages in the jungle?
A: Under a gorilla.
Q: Why did six and 10 scream in horror?
A: Because seven eight nine. (seven ate nine)
Q: What did one ocean say the other ocean?
A: Nothing – they just waved!
Q: What’s so great about Switzerland?
A: I don’t know but the flag is a big plus!
Q: What’s smaller than an ant’s pants?
A: A mozzie’s cozzie.
Q: Why is Santa good at karate?
A: Because he has a black belt.
Q: Where does spaghetti go to dance?
A: The meatball!!
Aw, it’s ok, don’t cry.
I’m not a poo!
Interrupting sheep… (before they can say ‘who’)
Baaaaaaaaa! (repeat with various animals)
There are two sausages in a frying pan. One turns to the other and says, “Gee it’s getting really hot in here.” The other one says, “AAAAAAAH IT’S A TALKING SAUSAGE!”